This poem isn't anywhere near finished yet; right now I'm just looking for feedback on the meter/rhyme scheme/syntax/diction before I go ahead and write the whole darn epic poem. To give you some context, this is the god Thor confronting The Baron with the rather uncharacteristic intention of using him for some manner of scheme. The Baron, of course, quickly unmasks and begins to outwit the dull-brained god.
Please, oh please, give me some feedback! (I'm looking at you, Facade
)Donner
Spake the Heavens, with a thund’rous clap:
“Wake thyself, mortal! Arise, give heed!
For thy far-rumored talents have I need.
Awaken, arise! Shake free the coils of thy dream.
A god slumbers long, and keeps close his wrath;
He hath no time for a man’s passing nap.
There! If thou art worthy of thy fame,
Speak now, mortal, and give me thy name.”
Yawned the man, skyward:
“My name, you ask? A fair request,
Though yours first would be fairer still;
Perhaps, before acting at your behest,
I’ll ask you introduce yourself,
As a measure of your goodwill.”
Raged the clouds, loosing a crackling bolt:
“Insolent human! Thou know’st not thy place!
Thou canst demand nothing of the divine race!
I am foe-hammer, cloud-bringer, he that smites the serpent!
I am the mover of mountains, I am the shaker of Earth!
The Heavens move at my command; I need not prove my worth!
Enough! End now thy treacherous deceit,
Lest thou so soon wish’st to be shown thy defeat.”
Spoke the man, with a gracious bow:
“O Mighty One, I beg you forgive me;
I see now I’ve spoken quite out of turn.
Your identity shall, as you wish, remain a mystery,
Yet I must ask: what task would you have me do—
Or what would a god wish to learn?”